Sunday, May 29, 2011

Age, Maturity, and "moving on"

Things are going well for me right now. I have a job, a place to live...I'm overworked and underpaid, considering that I'm a college-educated woman, but I do hope that I can hang in there until this economic crisis has passed.
But I have constant worries. I worry that I might never have children again. I worry that if I do, I might forget Rose in some way.
And lately, I've been having wonderful memories of her...but they are also filled with pain because all I want to be is her mom. She'd probably be saying "mama" and "dada" by now if she was still with us.
I know that i can't bring my baby girl back.
So how do I "move on"? is it even possible?

Saturday, April 23, 2011

pro-vie ou pro choix (pro what exactly?)

Pro life or Pro choice? It's the question/topic we all (women especially) have learned to avoid. In fact, I've found that most people who pose this question verbally are looking to start a fight.
I used to always answer "Pro Choice.... of course" Why of course? Well, I thought that pro choice gave the mother the right to choose, enabled women to say "no" to a pregnancy that could physically harm them, to make an extremely difficult decision without government interference.
Recently, I met a lovely young woman who was struggling. At 18yrs old, she was pregnant, had little support, and, unlike most of the stories that we as a society seem to hear, was being pushed to get an abortion, not to keep her child.
This woman was an adult, had a job and an education, and was excited to be a mother. However, because she was not married and lived in an apartment, rather than a "nice house", her family and friends did not believe that parenting was a good decision for her.
She explained to me that when she nervously informed her parents of the pregnancy, she wanted nothing from them other than a "congratulations" Instead she got this: "You should consider your options. Don't ruin your life."
How do you think this affected her decision making?
What about teenagers who fear getting kicked out of their parent's homes because of a pregnancy?
Is abortion being pushed on young mothers?

At this point, I believe that women should have to see a counselor (more than once) before being allowed to get an abortion. Perhaps we could weed out those who are making the decision for others and truly want to keep their baby. I realize that could be unpopular, but something has to change.

But what do you think? Feel free to comment with your opinions/suggestions.

SIDS, a difficult discussion topic.

Uncomfortable at best and offensive at worst, SIDS is not an easy thing to talk about; nevertheless, it must be discussed. I'm not even sure I'm the one to start the true discussion, but I do have a few things to say.
First of all, when someone tells you that their child passed away due to SIDS, DO NOT ask if they put their child to sleep on their back. Chances are, they did...and it still happened. I know that was the case with me and my daughter. I followed all the recommendations, gave her the best sleeping environment possible, and yet...
Do not assume that you know what the parent is going through. In fact, assume that you do not. This person was prepared to be a parent, read the baby books, went through all the preparations, and only got a small taste. There will forever be an invisible wall between them and the rest of the world. They will never be whole. I will never be whole.
That is not to say that this person won't laugh and joke, just like the rest of you.  I know that I try to be open about what happened, but not dwell on it in the presence of others. There are times when I'm having a wonderful evening with friends, but have a sudden flash and have to excuse myself.
It's hard. The truth is, time does not heal all wounds, but there is an instinct deep inside all of us, that allows us to carry on, even while we are looking up from the bottom of an ocean of pain.
First, all I could do was breathe. And then, I cracked my first smile since her death, and then, I began life again, went back to work, cleaned the house, cooked, read, all the while mourning her.
I do not plan to be a sad person, but I do plan on remembering her...and remembering that I am always a mother, no matter what. I hope that any of you that have been through such a tragedy do the same.


post d'introduction

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Emily James. You can look at my profile for information about me, but let me tell you this right off the bat. I've led a varied and complicated life compared to most 25yr olds. I'm not complaining; it's made me who I am, but I will say this...I often feel about 5yrs older than I actually am.
I'm trying to enjoy this in certain ways, but also have a little more fun while I'm still in my 20's. (Suggestions are always appreciated.)  =)
I'm engaged to a wonderful man who does his best to understand and accept my quirks (and admit it when I stump him!) and I lead a quiet, happy life in a relatively small town in the midwest.
As always, life has it's shadows. When I was a teenager, I struggled with disordered eating (never a full blown eating disorder) and I seemed to be a magnet for unrequited love. I'm glad to have left that angsty life behind, but I still have a flair for the dramatic, the extreme, and I have to watch it lest I push people away who are simply trying to keep me grounded.
I have a daughter, Rose, who passed away from SIDS, which almost killed me too, so some of my posts will pertain to that. I miss her everyday and yet....I can still smile; I can still laugh, run, jump, and plan a wedding, which will always be a mystery to me.
I want nothing more than to be a mother again, but, for now, we (fiance and I) are waiting. I know we'll be great parents when the time feels right.
I hope this blog helps some, encourages healthy debate, and encourages those who are in pain to look towards the light and find hope.