Uncomfortable at best and offensive at worst, SIDS is not an easy thing to talk about; nevertheless, it must be discussed. I'm not even sure I'm the one to start the true discussion, but I do have a few things to say.
First of all, when someone tells you that their child passed away due to SIDS, DO NOT ask if they put their child to sleep on their back. Chances are, they did...and it still happened. I know that was the case with me and my daughter. I followed all the recommendations, gave her the best sleeping environment possible, and yet...
Do not assume that you know what the parent is going through. In fact, assume that you do not. This person was prepared to be a parent, read the baby books, went through all the preparations, and only got a small taste. There will forever be an invisible wall between them and the rest of the world. They will never be whole. I will never be whole.
That is not to say that this person won't laugh and joke, just like the rest of you. I know that I try to be open about what happened, but not dwell on it in the presence of others. There are times when I'm having a wonderful evening with friends, but have a sudden flash and have to excuse myself.
It's hard. The truth is, time does not heal all wounds, but there is an instinct deep inside all of us, that allows us to carry on, even while we are looking up from the bottom of an ocean of pain.
First, all I could do was breathe. And then, I cracked my first smile since her death, and then, I began life again, went back to work, cleaned the house, cooked, read, all the while mourning her.
I do not plan to be a sad person, but I do plan on remembering her...and remembering that I am always a mother, no matter what. I hope that any of you that have been through such a tragedy do the same.
Peace
*Emily
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